I Confess (My Next-Decade Resolution)

I confess: I hate, loathe, and despise cleaning. There, I said it. And yes, I feel better.

Today is my 30th birthday and I've spent a little bit of time thinking about what I'd like to do different this decade vs. the last.

I have decided that one of my biggest regrets thus far is I have wasted too much time beating myself up for things I did incorrectly, did too late, never did at all, did too often, etc., etc. All that got me was a constant overwhelming feeling of failure. And heaven help me with all the excuses I have told myself for all my shortcomings. I'm too busy, too tired, too sick, too busy...wait, I said that one already. It has always been easy to say, "Ignore my messy house, but I've been too busy to clean up."

Oh, and I should pause this ramble here to clarify the difference between clutter and dirty. I cannot stand anything gross or unsanitary. So when I say "messy" I mean to imply clutter, not dirt.

But I digress. Truth be told, there are stacks of mail and magazines in my living room and a stack of clean clothes on top of my laundry basket NOT because I am lazy, but because I HATE TO CLEAN!!! No amount of time or energy will ever change this. And I now realize this is because I hate to repeat myself...and that is all cleaning really is. If I say something once and you do not hear me, I would rather keep my mouth shut than simply repeat a sentence. Silly? Perhaps. But that is just me. I love organizational projects, like color-coordinating my husbands shirts in our closet or setting up my daughter's drawers based on frequency of use. And give me 30 minutes uninterrupted in your home, you will soon find I have alphabetized your DVDs!!! But laundry, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming....it is never done. Laundry is the best example because unless you do your laundry in the nude (spare me), you will always have dirty clothes. REPETITION!!!

I am most grateful that I do not have a data-entry job. That would bore me. My job is never, ever, never, ever the same two days in a row. I absolutely never know what may come across my desk, and that is both stimulating and challenging. It is part of my personality. As my day goes on, I pull out more and more files until I cannot see over them. But ask me where something is, I can usually find it quickly.

And if you do enjoy cleaning, God bless you and you are always welcome to come burn some energy at my house. But you will puzzle me. I always enter those "model home" houses and wonder to myself where in the world is their stuff?? You know - mail, magazines, receipts from the gas station, tickets to the theatre next month...stuff!!! Where is your stuff?!?! Do you hide it?? I cannot do that! I practice the leave-it-out-in-view-and-it-will-remind-me-to-do-it logic.

So have I rambled on about my hatred of cleaning to say I will do better in my 30's?
NO WAY!! I have decided, instead, to realize that is just part of who I am. I'll never vacuum twice a week or dust every Saturday. But nor will I beat myself up for it anymore. After all, spending time with my husband, daughter, friends and family is being productive.

And what does this have to do with Abbie? Simple. She's been trying to get this through my head since she arrived five and a half months ago. My little Renesme (only some of you will get that!) now places her hands on my face as if to say, "Ignore that laundry that needs ironing and my diaper bag that needs packing and play with me!" And believe me, she wins every time. Just come by my house and you'll know it is true.


(Oh, and don't you dare think you can come by unannounced to my house! I need time to shove that stack of magazines in an ottoman and close my bedroom door!!!)